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Terrace B.C Man Learns of Toronto F.C’s 2017 MLS Cup Win For First Time While Watching “Engraved on a Nation” (Satire)

Campeones Cup 2018: Tigres UANL v Toronto FC Photo by Vaughn Ridley/Getty Images

Terrace B.C man Gordon Smith was stunned to learn of Toronto F.C’s 2017 MLS cup win for the first time last week when he watched an episode of TSN’s “engraved on a nation” series. Mr. Smith claims he did not intend to watch the episode but awoke from slumber, amidst a pile of Smirnoff ice cans, to find the TV on and just kind of rolled with it.

Smith recalled returning home from the bank before sitting down for a few pops in front of the TV.

“at some point I drifted off and when I woke up and brushed the cans off me there was this documentary on T.V. Apparently Toronto F.C won the 2017 MLS cup. I had no idea.”

Smith went on to tell us that he’d attempted to watch a few MLS games but just couldn’t get into it.

“I don’t know, I guess it just wasn’t for me. I’m a simple man, used to a casual life of drinking, lamenting the decline of the logging industry, and statements which are racist enough to make everyone uncomfortable but not racist enough for you to tell the person off without you feeling like you’re making a scene. I didn’t grow up with soccer and at this stage I don’t think i’m going to learn. Maybe they’re more into it over in Thornhill, they’re weird people over there in Thornhill.”

We at Eighty Six Forever take this as further evidence that those eastern coastal elites at TSN are woefully out of touch with the forgotten man. Who is the forgotten man? Is it the working class who’s jobs are automated and outsourced? Is it the racial minority groups who deal with longstanding systemic exclusion? Is it two dimensional stereotypes cobbled together from the half remembered anecdotes of friends who are actually from Northern B.C like Gordon? No, dear reader. It’s us. The Western coastal elites!