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Matchday 30 Report Card: VWFC vs. NYCFC

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Ignore the nay-sayers and their wanton wild criticisms. My level-headed criticisms are the only ones you need.

Should Carl Robinson have gone with Rivero instead of Mattocks to start up front?
Should Carl Robinson have gone with Rivero instead of Mattocks to start up front?
Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports

As a refresher, I use the official Rituro Scale of Grading:

  • A - Fantastic performance. Few, if any faults. An example of the player's best work and a masterclass in how to play the position. Since this means an A+ would be near-perfection, don't expect me to hand one out any time soon.
  • B - Above average. A good day at the office for the player, with no major mistakes to speak of. Was a help more than a hindrance to the team on and/or off the ball.
  • C - Average. Made some mistakes, had some good moments. Nothing to put the player in the doghouse, but nothing to write home about, either.
  • D - Below average. A worrying performance that will leave coaches, teammates and/or supporters concerned about future efforts. Turnovers, poor clearances, missed big chances and soft goals will earn you this grade.
  • F - Atrocious. Get off the field, hand in your kit and never darken the halls with your presence ever again.
  • I - Incomplete. Player suffered an injury, was substituted at halftime with a view to later matches or some other occurrence that would leave us with insufficient evidence to assign a grade.

And now, the rankings for a match that can only be described as the game that launched a thousand panic attacks, worry trains and prophecies of doom:

Darren Mattocks: D+
The foul on his early one-on-one against Jason Hernandez was total bunk. So was Mattocks' hold-up play. Darren, buddy, I can tell you're frustrated and willing to try anything. Trying to emulate Rivero's style is not in your wheelhouse. Get back to that form that frustrated defenders early in your career (it's OK, nobody remembers how you used to play, you can go back to it): blistering pace, aggressive headers and a selfishness that more often than not resulted in goals. The 34th and 56th minute chances were more like it; now to find that balance between selfishness and blindness (SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!).

Cristian Techera: C
Please. Stop. Diving.

Gershon Koffie: C-
Hey, Gersh? That creaky senior who you lost sight of for the opening goal? That was Frank Lampard. He's, what, twice as old as you? Maybe stop letting Gramps Lamps toddle on past you for the easy volley, m'kay? Also, while we're on the topic of recognizing the players around you, maybe shorten your passing range to two metres or less until you can hit your teammates with passes instead of callously giving the ball away the opposition.

Jordan Smith: C-
Also culpable on the only goal from open play, having lost the run of Angelino and whiffed on blocking the cross. Was generally invisible, which normally isn't a bad thing for a defender unless your role includes providing usable crosses, service and other synonyms for jump-starting the attack from the wings. Oh, and he got nutmegged, which automatically knocks you down a partial grade.

Kendall Waston: B
Only a stellar save from Josh Saunders stopped Waston from equalizing early in the second half. Waston did his job as best he could at both ends of the pitch and the results of his efforts did not go unnoticed. The only true blunder was his panicked "pass" when pressured by Lampard in the midfield. Again, Kendall, a strong breeze should take out the geezer's aged knees; what are you afraid of?

The Officiating Crew: D-
A clueless linesman. Two undeserved penalties. Strong work, PRO; your level of commitment to developing top-tier officiating on this continent is as plain as day.

~

Oh, and two more things:

TSN: C-
Wow, TSN, you almost started the game on time despite your crippling inability to properly budget time around CFL games! We are so privileged to have such a dedicated, professional, committed broadcast partner covering the Whitecaps.

Bottle-Throwing Idiot: F

Because why cultivate a reputation as a progressive soccer hotbed when you can throw stuff at players signing autographs?