clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Who Will Score Number 100?

The Vancouver Whitecaps next goal will be their 100th in MLS play. Who will score it?

Jeff Vinnick

In case you haven't heard, the next goal the Vancouver Whitecaps score in MLS will be the 100th of their short MLS history. Of course there are no limitations to exactly who could help the 'Caps reach the century mark, so here at 86forever, we've decided to give you a bit of a cheat sheet.

Camilo 1:1. The shifty Brazilian leads the team in goals with 10, and seems to score every other match. He also takes the majority of the clubs free kicks, so the safe money is on him to score number 100.

Kenny Miller 2:1. Like Camilo, Kenny Miller is having an unbelievable season offensively. In just 9 matches started, Miller has scored 6 times, making him a likely candidate.

Darren Mattocks 6:1. He's had a rough season, but Darren Mattocks still knows how to score goals. That being said, his butt has been firmly stapled to the bench recently, and if the starting 11 is playing well against Chicago, he may only sneak on in garbage time.

Nigel Reo-Coker 8:1. I was originally going to make this higher because Reo-Coker hasn't scored any goals for the Whitecaps this regular season, but then I was terrified about what he might do to me.

Gershon Koffie 8:1. With 2 goals, he's tied with Russell Teibert for the most goals from midfield for the 'Caps.

Jordan Harvey 12:1. He may score the hundredth goal, but knowing his play, the Fire will score one directly after.

Y.P. Lee 15:1. He had a goal last year, and he knows how to get involved offensively when the time is right. Side note; I think everybody on the planet wants Lee to score the goal.

Andy O'Brien, Brad Rusin, Johnny Leveron: 100,000:1. I mean, it could happen. In the sense that anything is possible if you believe it hard enough, that is. (Note: if one of them manages to score the goal, I'm going to believe that I can date Kate Upton)

Spike the Mascot: 999,998:1. It could accidentally carom off his head or something, right? Work with me here.

Mustapha Jarju: 999,999:1. I want you to Picture this: 'Caps down by a goal. It's stoppage time. The crowd aches with anticipation as the 'Caps press for the tying marker. Suddenly, Camilo goes down with an ankle injury. Before Martin Rennie can go to the bench and sub in Darren Mattocks, a figure emerges from the stands; It's Jarju, who races onto the pitch, steals the ball and runs the length of the pitch in two single bounds. With a flick of his foot, the ball explodes into the stratosphere before falling directly behind the goalkeeper. Then he scores five more in the span of 10 seconds. With the match now won, Jarju, as quickly as he came, is gone. He leaves behind only a legend. All of the female fans in the stadium are now pregnant. The crowd at BC Place weep softly, knowing their lives are now complete.

This is the only thing that could ever justify that signing.

Jun-Marques Davidson 1,000,000:1. Davidson.. score a goal? HaahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAH.. ahhh.. thanks, I needed that.