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The First and Last Annual 2010 Eighty Six Forever Canadian Speed Awards!

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Vancouver Whitecaps midfielder Philippe Davies was just one Canadian to take an <em>Eighty Six Forever</em> award. Don't cherish it, though, since they were handed out really, really quickly. (Benjamin Massey/Eighty Six Forever)
Vancouver Whitecaps midfielder Philippe Davies was just one Canadian to take an Eighty Six Forever award. Don't cherish it, though, since they were handed out really, really quickly. (Benjamin Massey/Eighty Six Forever)

It's an obvious concept, and a popular one, but it's also a fun one to write. Going through the year that was in Canadian soccer and arbitrarily declaring award winners in a variety of relevant and not-so-relevant categories. I did a fair bit of spade-work on this article earlier in the week, putting names together, resurrecting old facts, and generally having a ball. The 2010 Eighty Six Forever Canadian Awards might not be interesting, but they would at least be present.

So when I got up this morning and saw that my drafted awards post was, for whatever reason, not present on this website, I was sad. And it gave birth to a new type of annual award post, a post where I basically sat down and typed up everything as quickly as I could remember before I ran off to work: the Eighty Six Forever Canadian Speed Awards, for excellence in Canadian soccer that can be expressed as succinctly as possible by a moron in a hurry.

This post might be a great deal less fun to write, and of course if you're looking for actual insight look elsewhere. That said, it could be fun to read if only because you're eagerly looking forward to whichever insane, time-pressed mistake I make like calling Lars Hirschfeld a Romanian. This is the sort of post where you can laugh at me, and let's face it, if you wanted cogent analysis you would never have been here in the first place.

So, without further fluff, the 2010 Eighty Six Forever Canadian Speed Awards!

Men's Player of the Year: midfielder Atiba Hutchinson, Copenhagen/PSV Eindhoven

Women's Player of the Year: forward Christine Sinclair, FC Gold Pride

Women's Player of the Year in the Alternate Universe Where Christine Sinclair Doesn't Exist, Since Let's Face It She Was the Only Choice to Win Anyway: defender Rhian Wilkinson, Lillestrøm SK

Men's U-20 Player of the Year: midfielder Nicholas Lindsay, Toronto FC

Women's U-20 Player of the Year: defender Bryanna McCarthy, West Virginia

2010's Best International Playing in Canada: goalkeeper Stefan Frei, Toronto FC

2010's Best Canadian Playing in Canada: defender Adrian Cann, Toronto FC

Force With Which I Slammed My Head Into My Desk After Those Last Two Awards: Considerable

Uncapped Canadian Who Most Raised his Stock in 2010: midfielder Philippe Davies, Vancouver Whitecaps

Most Surprisingly Promising Canadian International of the Year: defender Adam Straith, Energie Cottbus

Most Worryingly Disappointing Canadian International of the Year: defender Michael Klukowski, Ankaragücü

Most Inevitably Useless Canadian International of the Year: forward Rob Friend, Hertha Berlin

Canadian Who, Amazingly, Wasn't a Canadian International at All in 2010: forward Ali Gerba, Montreal Impact

Literally Speediest Canadian International of the Year: Randy Edwini-Bonsu, Vancouver Whitecaps

Canadian Who Should Just Suck it Up, Sign in MLS, and Start Playing Again of the Year: defender David Edgar, Burnley

Comeback Canadian of the Year: midfielder Martin Nash, Vancouver Whitecaps

Kcabemoc Canadian of the Year: forward Marcus Haber, West Bromwich Albion/Exeter City/Vancouver Whitecaps/St. Johnstone

2010 Rick Titus Memorial "Time to Retire Already" Award: goalkeeper Greg Sutton, New York Red Bulls