I know we're Canadian fans, but even for us the paranoia over this semi-final is a bit much.

Mexico's playing good soccer! Did you see all the fans they had at BC Place; we're going to be drowned out! And Canada can only get goals through Christine Sinclair! Oh nooooo! (stands on bow of sinking ship singing "Nearer My God to Thee")

Mexico is a good team. I don't dare take them lightly. Their offense has become more versatile than the bad old days of "get it to Maribel Dominguez and pray nobody notices", while their defense has improved to arguably be the second-best in CONCACAF, with 20-year-old Alina Garciamendez out of Stanford emerging as a star. They certainly had a better World Cup than we did, although in an easier group.

On the other hand, Mexico still loses to countries Canada generally beats: Brazil twice in the most recent Pan-American Games, a World Cup draw to England that they really should have lost, and another draw to Trinidad and Tobago of all teams: a side so bad the Dominican Republic knocked them off to get into Olympic qualifying. They are good but they are still not quite on Canada's tier: there's a chance of springing an upset because this is soccer and anything can happen, but Canada should win on home soil seven times out of ten.

And the "6,000" Mexican fans that were packed into BC Place on Tuesday to cheer on the Mexicans against the United States? First, there weren't really 6,000 Mexicans there. Second, even if there were 6,000 Mexicans there for a critical match against their mortal rivals, that wouldn't match up to the smallest pro-Canadian crowd of the three games so far. And third, even if the Mexicans did somehow outnumber the good guys, I'd not be intimidated by their scattered shouting "México! México!" against organized, concentrated Voyageurs chanting their opinion on a team of Kaylyn Kyles (they're for it).

I'm honestly not sure Canada has ever hosted Mexico in a senior international without the Mexican fans outnumbering and outshouting the Canadians, but the Canadian crowd should come out on top tonight. I'm betting on both Canada and the Canadian crowd; I guess all this soccer is making me insane.

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As we know, Canada needs a win or a draw against Costa Rica to clinch first place in Group A and (probably) avoid a semi-final against the United States and their FIFA 12-esque +27 goal differential to determine who goes to the 2012 London Olympics.

The "or a draw" in that sentence sticks in my craw. Talking about drawing Costa Rica in a tournament where the favourites have humbled the minnows so utterly that even I get bored is insulting. It's insulting to the fans who pack one half of the lower bowl of BC Place to cheer on our world-class national team, and it's an insult to that world-class national team which has never looked anything but vastly superior to the Costa Ricans.

Costa Rica should not be able to run with Canada and that's the end of it. They played Cuba depressingly evenly despite the advantage of the Cubans actually playing soccer against them. They could have drawn with Haiti had luck been on the Haitians' side. Their tournament results suggest that Costa Rica is generally consistent against lower opposition but Canada, at their best, should be able to brush them away like a mosquito.

The only concern is "at their best". Canada will enjoy a nice three-day rest before Friday's semi-final, but with either the tricky Mexicans or the devilish Americans in store John Herdman may take no chances. Visions of more off-days and early nights for core players dance through my head, and if we make things a bit too easy for Costa Rica then their tenacious bunker will catch us with our pants down, they might even snatch a goal on a defensive miscue, and all of a sudden we're dead.

It's a long shot, but as a Canadian fan worrying about long shots is my raison d'etre.

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My old loathing for writing anything on the weekend has prevented me from preparing any insight about this match before I was actually sitting in the BC Place press box watching Haiti and Costa Rica warm up.

Then again, what insight is needed? Cuba is... I was going to say "the worst team in this tournament" but after seeing the Dominican Republic last night let's go with "the lowest-ranked". They lost only 2-0 to Costa Rica, which doesn't sound too bad, but got awfully lucky. The calibre of Cuba's play on Thursday was so poor that it would have been hysterical if it weren't so dull. Their only saving grace was a smile from the soccer gods and a somnolencent lack of intensity from the Costa Ricans.

Obviously, with a 14-0 win yesterday Abby Wambach and Amy Rodriguez set a new standard for minnow-thrashing. Cuba should be every inch as bad as the Dominican Republic were and worse than Haiti, which raises hope to see the first Canadian touchdowns in BC Place since the Grey Cup.

(No, I don't really think Canada is going to win by two digits. Those sorts of games are always extreme results and, in their second group stage match, Canada is more likely to ease up; 5-0 is my prediction and would be fine by me. But if John Herdman had a cousin in a Cuban jail or something and really wanted to turn the big guns on them...)

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For the first time since the 2007 FIFA U-20 World Cup, the west coast is hosting international soccer. For the first time in even longer than that, we're hosting a meaningful Canadian national team game. The opponent's underwhelming, but the occasion is important and Canada's women will be playing live for a Vancouver crowd.

At last.

Canada will make its debut on the new turf at BC Place in a game they know they should win. I discussed Haiti earlier this week; realistically, they should not be a credible threat. The Canadian crowd should be able to enjoy themselves and watch their girls romp to victory over one of CONCACAF's many weak sisters. John Herdman's not even likely to play a second eleven and rest his starters, since Cuba is worse.

This game is about the party in the stands, about the first Canadian national team game (any gender, any age group) in Western Canada since 2008 and the first on the Pacific coast in over five years. Pummeling Haiti would be a welcome bonus, although I for one anticipate a relatively tight game by a Haitian squad that will be looking to avoid mistakes and, if possible, snatch a result by seizing chances on the break. Typical underdog soccer. But it'll still be fun.

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So, it's over. This game means nothing. Canada's already through to the next stage of World Cup qualifying, meaning the result is irrelevant. Coming off the match in St. Kitts, Canada can't call up a developmental roster, meaning the long-term impact of the game is diminished. In all probability, St. Kitts and Nevis will sit back and try to grind out a draw Puerto Rico-style, meaning the game will probably be tedious as hell.

You won't hear the Canadian camp talking about that, of course. As is proper, Stephen Hart and company have been discussing the need for a big performance, to raise confidence and quench fears by kicking the hell out of a hapless Caribbean minnow whose entire population could fit into SkyDome. Of course, our next competitive match is more than half a year away and if you think confidence from a 20-0 victory can last that long, you're more optimistic than I.

The St. Kitts and Nevis press has been enthusiastically praising their team for its playing soccer against Canada rather than sitting back on Friday; their football association even declared St. Kitts and Nevis deserved a 2-0 win. Such lofty clippings might suggest that the Sugar Boyz will try to please their supporters by slugging it out with Canada... but with St. Kitts and Nevis now having shot their bolt and their attention turning towards Olympic qualifying they'd probably be much happier with an ugly 0-0 draw than a glorious 2-1 loss.

Well, that's soccer. Those of us leaving work early to watch the match (Doolin's Irish Pub, the corner of Granville and Nelson, 4 PM PST) are in for a meaningless snoozer. Meaningless to us, and meaningless to the competitive hopes of the Canadian national team, but not meaningless to all the players. If Canada has something to prove then that's nothing compared to some of the Canadians, who are chasing milestones or chasing dreams or just chasing some proof that they belong at this level.

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With one point in their next two games, Canada will advance to the third round of CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying.

Given that both of these games are against St. Kitts and Nevis, this should be easy. Indeed, it almost certainly will be. Canada's heavy betting favourites to win this game pretty much everywhere I look. Sure, we looked catastrophically inept playing against an unusually self-destructive Puerto Rican team last time around, but we need one point out of six. And St. Kitts shouldn't be bunkering: if they win both of these games they take our rightful place in the next round.

This is, very nearly, a friendly. Stephen Hart has been talking openly about experimenting with his tactics. Youngster Ashtone Morgan is with the club; another Toronto FC kid named Matt Stinson would have been if he were healthy. Fringe players such as Patrice Bernier and Kenny Stamatopoulos are being given their chance, while Stephen Hart chose to send a message by excluding Andre Hainault from the team. The team isn't taking this game quite as seriously as it could be, but there's probably no cause for concern. Canada has so much rope with which to hang themselves that even they must hold on. One point in two games against a markedly inferior opponent, that's all they need.

This is a glorified friendly. This game is less a crisis and more a coronation ceremony. Anything less than a comprehensive win will be a disappointment, but anything more than a draw will be superfluous.

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It's hard to believe the Vancouver Whitecaps season is coming to an end already. After just half a year of almost unending soccer agony, watching our promising team collapse deeper and deeper into the basement like a house undermined by termites, watching popular players and coaches cast off for inferior replacements, this is really the end.

The game is meaningful, for those of us who take comfort in being merely second-worst. One point and the Whitecaps will surpass 2007 Toronto FC as the best MLS expansion team in Canadian history (out of two). A win or a draw will save the Whitecaps from the Wooden Spoon: Toronto FC went up 1-0 at home on the New England Revolution before pulling a typical Toronto collapse and then an atypical Toronto recovery to draw 2-2. New England and Vancouver are level on 28 points but New England has the better head-to-head record, meaning that a loss puts the Whitecaps bottom of the table.

The Colorado Rapids, today's opponent, are playing for a home game in the MLS wild card playoff round. That's a bit of a more substantial achievements but, given that if they win tonight Colorado will have an equal number of home and road wins, it doesn't actually count for that much either. Today is a day for variably-sized moral victories.

Today is a day for melancholy. The Whitecaps are running "Fan Appreciation Night" today: they've been profiling fans of all stripes on their websites this week and four Whitecaps supporters groups, one of which may be fictional, will be playing seven-minute games at half on BC Place's hallowed turf. It's all good stuff from an organization that's focused a lot more on the supporters' experience ever since they started trying to sell 2012 season tickets. But it's also a distraction from the shambolic year on the field. The Whitecaps aren't pretending this year wasn't a disappointment competitively, they haven't shied away from admitting it in the press... but there is a distinct air that they're keeping a stiff upper lip, as sure as singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life".

In almost every on-field category this season has been a horror show. In almost every off-field category this season has exceeded most expectations. There's plenty of hope for the coming season, plenty of good players: this team is probably less doomed long-term than our rear-end rivals in New England. Incoming head coach Martin Rennie now has "NASL choke artist" on his resume but he is, at least, young, bright, ambitious, and enthusiastic. Russell Teibert is up to "questionable" on the injury report, which points to a promising future in which Canadian Soccer Jesus may not be injured at all. And there's always the hope that Big Phil might play.

I'm feeling gloomy as this failure of a season ends. Tomorrow, though, it'll be in the past and hope can take over. So the Whitecaps had better give me something to hope for.

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The Canadian men's national has not yet bought a ticket to the third round of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying. However, they have a credit card in their hand, Air Canada on the phone, and a window seat all ready for them.

Canada has a four-point lead over St. Kitts and Nevis with three games remaining. St. Kitts and Nevis will in all probability win at home to group doormats St. Lucia so let's give St. Kitts an honourary eight points right now. A Canadian win over Puerto Rico would give us twelve points, meaning that St. Lucia would essentially need to beat us twice in order to knock us out of first place (a win and a draw would also work if St. Lucia beat us something like 12-0, which I will hazard is completely impossible). A Canadian draw at today would give us a two-point lead, so we'd still control our destiny against a team so poor Atiba Harris is the best part of it. A Canadian loss, virtually unthinkable, still has Canada a point in front with, in all probability, a far superior goal differential.

If Canada wins and St. Kitts doesn't beat St. Lucia, Canada has basically clinched first in the group (again, barring "St. Kitts and Nevis 15 - 1 Canada"-level disaster).

Many pundits, including myself, predicted that Puerto Rico would be the second-best team in this group. They still might be: St. Kitts is a strong second in the standings but haven't played Canada yet. Still, the St. Kittsers have won a couple credible draws with Puerto Rico, played beyond expectations, and generally earned their ranking. They're not to be underestimated.

I'm going to underestimate them anyway. If Canada wins tonight this group is over. If Canada doesn't win tonight this group is probably still over, but a win would be better.

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